


ghosts of all the people (who have come and gone)

by SmugglerofSass



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley has a lot on his mind, Gen, I spent a week agonizing over this instead of sleeping, Implied Child Death, nanowrimo is obviously going well why do you ask, no beta we post our mistakes like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-12 23:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21484861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmugglerofSass/pseuds/SmugglerofSass
Summary: 6000 years is an awfully long time compared to the range of a human lifespan.
Kudos: 4





	ghosts of all the people (who have come and gone)

Some nights he dreams. He doesn’t know when it started. 

(This is a lie. He does.)

The closer they creep towards the end he finds himself dreaming of the people. There are so many people. 6000 years is an awfully long time compared to the range of a human lifespan. 

Mostly though, there are children.  _ God _ , he has seen so many children die. 

Do you know that nearly half of the 109 children on the Titanic died? Do you know that children went to the guillotine in France? Do you know how many children died in the World Wars? 

He does. The endless stacking of this information is enough to make him want to drink and never stop. Sleep and never wake. He doesn’t. 

(At least, not to the extent of  _ never. _ )

It doesn’t matter how they died, not to him. Whether it was a natural disaster or a man made one. Surely he could’ve saved them regardless. And he would be damned if he hadn’t at least tried. 

(He is regardless, but that’s irrelevant.)

He remembers them so vividly. Scared eyes, tentative grins, trembling fingers. He remembers a safe house, running back for others, digging through rubble, standing, baffled looking over ruined landscape, losing his grip on a hand in the waves, kneeling, broken, with those he couldn’t heal. Miserable cries and scared faces, sightless eyes turned towards him. 

He knows that this is far beyond his job, that he’s not supposed to care, that anyone else in his place wouldn’t care. But they chose him, they sent  _ him.  _ And he  _ cares _ . 

Too much. 

Sometimes he thinks he cares more than either side does. Sometimes he begs to know why. 

(He always did ask too many questions.)

When the end comes he knows he won’t be able to save any of them. That’s not how this particular one goes. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try. 

He thinks of one little boy in particular and he wonders. What is fate against freewill? What is choice against destiny? What are children but innocent pawns in a cosmic game? 

How can he protect them from the machinations of a plan set against them from the Beginning?

He’s not sure how many more tiny hands he can find buried in ash. How many more little hearts he can hear stop. 

Why is it fair? Why the  _ fuck _ is it fair that the children suffer so much? It’s about freewill isn’t it? Choice? So why kids? Kids too young to  _ decide.  _ It wasn't the children who ate the apple, but their parents. The choice was made for them, not  _ by  _ them. 

He thinks again of one specific little boy, meant to decide for everyone. But is it a choice if it’s meant to happen? What if he says no? What if he  _ can’t?  _

He is scared. What if he loves this little boy and then has to choose? One child sized grin or  _ all  _ of them? What if he  _ hates _ him?

(He won’t, no matter what. Deep down, he knows that.)

He knows what his job is, where his place lies in all this. To influence the boy. Were he able to laugh at this he would see the cosmic irony, tempting them to the first and  _ him  _ to the last. He doesn’t laugh.

Instead he shakes himself awake from the nightmares, the endless parade of children, balls up his guilt and shoves it away under his bed where he refuses to acknowledge it. He lays awake, staring at the ceiling, agonizing over potential failures and fault lines in their plans until exhaustion tugs him back under. 

The dreams return. 

(They always do.)

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Good Omens before so please forgive me for mistakes.  
*Some original sources from the Reign of Terror do mention the execution of children, however exact ages or counts don't seem to have been recorded/have survived.  
{Tumblr - SmugglerofSass}  
(Title and original inspiration from High Hopes by Kodaline)


End file.
